What the fuck!

The word “fuck” has two dictionary definitions. The first, and most prevalent meaning, is to have “sexual intercourse” with someone; and the second underlying definition is to “ruin or damage” something.

For the life of me, I don’t understand how the American usage of the term fuck (sexual intercourse) can be simultaneously associated with the “ruin or damage” to, let’s say, a Ford F-250 windwhield.

But after giving the subject some considerable thought, and upon consultation with my special canine Walter, I can understand how a fellow walking out of his double-wide at 4:30 in the morning for the two-hour drive to his work site in the oil patch only to find the windshield of his reliable F-250 smashed would exclaim loud enough to awaken the nearest neighbor a half mile away –

What the fuck!

That neighbor down the gravel road instantly knows that that blood curdling exclamation has nothing to do with a blissful moment the Ford F-250 owner may have just had just shared with his wife but has to be associated with some serious “ruin or damage” to property, either to the Ford F-250 or his four-wheeler, prompting the neighbor to grab his AR-15 and run out into his front yard in his blue tighty-whities to check on his four-door Dodge Ram truck.

Here’s the deal, folks.

Dictionary.com says the word “fuck” is “extremely vulgar, considered improper and taboo in all its senses” while Wikipedia says it is a “profane English-language” word.

This past week during an interview with right-wing talk s talk show host Rush Limbaugh the President of the United States dropped what Politico called the “F-bomb” when talking about his disdain for Iran. Since I don’t listen to Rush Limbaugh (sorry Boogaloos and Proud Boys), I will depend on Politico’s version of the president’s F-bomb usage:

“If you (meaning Iran) fuck around with us, if you do something bad to us, we are going to do things to you that have never been done before.”

Now, clearly the president was not talking about having sexual intercourse with any of the homophobic leaders of Iran, so he used the F-bomb to warn Iran that if they “ruin or damage” us in any kind of way, we will do more than just smash their Ford F-250 windshields.

The President of the United States, once considered a global world leader, is supposed to be a “role model” for the nation’s young people. That’s no longer the case. Recent public presidential communications have instructed our young people that “shithole countries” are bad and how to tell a school yard mate seeking help to “fuck off, Jack.”

Imagine this suburban home scene, if you can.

Mom in the kitchen with a polka dot apron tied around her waist preparing the dinner meal.

Her ten-year old son comes running in through the kitchen door after two hours of swinging on an old Ford F-250 tire tied to the branch of a nearby backyard tree and excitedly asks:

“What’s for dinner, mom?”

“Momma loves you so much that she’s fixed Tom Brady spinach, Aaron Rodgers turnip greens, and Drew Brees’ corn-on-the-cob for dessert.”

Son looks a momma with a look straight out of a Sam Peckinpah classic—something like Steve McQueen in Getaway—and says:

“What the fuck!”

Even before Rodney Atkins popularized the line in the cute little country song “Watching You,” mom replied:

“Son, now where did you learn to talk like that?”

Son replies:

“I learned it by listening to the President of the United States – so if you put any shithole Aaron Rodgers turnip greens or any of that Tom Brady fucking spinach on my plate, I’m gonna do things in this kitchen that ain’t never been done before.”

So, thanks to the President of the United States, the word “fuck” is now a permanent fixture in the communication relationship between parent and child in America.

You can soon expect this language between siblings in the average American household as they struggle to find “greatness” again:

“Fuck you;” “Get the fuck out of my face;” “Fucking moron;” “Don’t fuck with me;” or “I’ll fuck you up.”

What could possibly go wrong with having common, everyday prison cellblock language used by the American family coming out of Sunday morning worship?

What the fuck!

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